And I am feeling weirdly content with bursts of happiness. Go figure. However, I will take it anytime it comes :-). I think sleeping 10 hours last night could be part of the reason – literally can’t remember the last time I did that. Its the weekend here so I have lazed about all morning,…

Again. Sitting on the plane, which was due to take off 20 mins ago, and it’s been hilarious. Mass seat confusion, an old, conservative lady   having been moved 4 times where I am personally not convinced she is actually on the right flight at all….A woman with a baby trying to get out of…

Its been 20 days since it was confirmed that I have breast cancer, 28 days since I first knew on a gut level, looking at the radiologists face during the biopsy. What I’ve learned so far: Always trust doctors who look like ISIS leaders. Clearly, not how to stop the double line spacing in this text…

At stupid o’clock…. Let the next phase begin. I am not sure how much I am ready to actually hear, which has been a weird new part of me on this journey. The desire to hide, fear of finding out facts, hoping it will all go away…I would have considered myself the complete opposite type…

All the tears and frustration were worth it – seeing the surgeon on Monday at 9am at the Royal Marsden. And she is the perfect one to see – Miss Fiona McNeil – I am happy to see her and it feels right.

Thats for a whole day…incredible really. Night times can be a bit rough, but being with The Man does help that a lot… Its all OK today. All the things I had that made me very, very happy before, I still have. I am healthy today, I feel good, I am alive in every sense….

I am feeling good today. I am not sure if its:  denial, insanity, actually having cancer, The Man (thank you Margaret for reminding me I should at least put him in capital letters), getting some rest, ignoring fucking hospitals, some other disease that is affecting my brain, the weather…..or of course all of the above….

Had a super productive morning – getting a plan B & C in place. And trying to remind myself I am not breast cancer with Sonia, I’m ‘just’ Sonia 😉 I have booked a private appointment for next week with a surgeon, I have been accepted at the Royal Marsden at least, I still have…

Lucky I’m not obsessive.  And fuck, is this a rollercoaster. But one with a huge amount of love and laughter along the way – in fact, more of that than anything else. Which is incredible.  I’m staying with the man in Oxford since yesterday, came to London tonight for a meeting, on the train back…

Me: ‘Bloody hell, last night was rough as hell, as was today – scared, crying….’ (I was continuing in this vein) Chrissie: ‘Oh yes, how was your bikini wax yesterday?’ 

Which really is intensely painful.  I called from Amman last Wednesday to get a referral to the Royal Marsden. GP said she was on it. Called me Thursday to say she’s asked the consultant at original hospital to make the referral as it would be quicker. I had my doubts. I received a letter at…

Are amazing. Since I got home on Thursday afternoon: A beautiful book of poetry was waiting for me at home when I got back, gifted by a friend via Amazon. My 3 children, as I write, on their way to the villa in Tuscany, driven by a friend who just completed 1200km in 2 days,…