I heard from Prem (Premila Natarajan, the Breast Cancer nurse who is working her way to my NBF list rather rapidly) at 10.21pm last night saying that she had had a study day, hence the late response, and that the results weren’t back. She will check today, but has a very busy clinic in the morning so it will be the afternoon when she gets back to me. NBF and deja vous all at the same time….

Weirdly, in all this I am sleeping really well – relatively speaking. A very unexpected but welcome side effect.

And I leave for Amman on Sunday. It will be a hectic 10 days there, but work I both know and can do well – fixing messes. And I trust that the timing is perfect. I will be distracted, away from the kids, busy, completely unexpectedly and bizarrely two good friends are there for some of the time as well – both of whom I would be entirely comfortable talking to (and crying with) if the result is cancer.

I am treading gently around this with my eldest, Hayley, at the moment. I can see that with every fibre of her being she does not want to hear that this could be cancer – not that I can blame her as my feelings are somewhat similar – so I am gently dropping in a couple of things here and there and then leaving it. And its working. If it is, then I will do my best to not tell her until I get back from Jordan and we will be together – Tess and Bene, you will, I know help me hold that one, when we are in Tuscany and all will be well.

So my lessons from yesterday and today – apparently I can be patient and subtle, who knew? No hurry for the results and dropping hints/comments rather than blurting it all out like a bull in a china shop. Do bulls blurt things out? Only one cup of coffee leading to confused  metaphors…or perhaps they do blurt and no-one has ever noticed since they are crashing around destroying things at the same time.