Sadly, I can’t say that this waiting for cancer or not results is causing my mood swings…since I fluctuate pretty regularly in ‘normal’ times. But I am happy this evening – still have the knot of tension/anxiety – hey, I’m human – but also feeling lighter and smiling.

Largely due to the two friends I have messaged/spoken to today – thank you both. Claire – how the hell we function in this world is utterly beyond me, given the completely off the wall things that make PERFECT sense to us. And Bene, laughing at the Skype version of my recent e-mails – cut and paste version to follow – Jeremy is the man I have referred to…the Monday message was me saying that to Bene…the Tuesday message was to Bene and Tess…the latter having never heard of Jeremy…

[04/07/2015 18:21:26] Bénédicte: Monday: I DO NOT HAVE ROOM IN MY LIFE FOR A RELATIONSHIP
[04/07/2015 18:21:45] Bénédicte: Tuesday: ARE YOU OK WITH JEREMY COMING TO FLORENCE?
[04/07/2015 18:21:53] Bénédicte: Tess: dear, who IS jeremy??
[04/07/2015 18:22:56] Bénédicte: Tess just had no idea whether he was your new dog, a kid or a sitter

I am laughing all over again…that is SO typical me communication. I remember the last ones of these to Tess and Bene – all about my move to South Africa from Lebanon for weeks/month. Then, oh no, with a couple of weeks to go, it changed to London…so similar of course…And of course the ‘famous’ dinner in Bene’s house in Kenya – where we were all having COMPLETELY different conversations, happily so, and pissing ourselves laughing endlessly…with the two guests looking increasingly more worried and disturbed…

And of course the man being around makes me happy…nearly burst with happiness earlier when I saw his message…clearly the 17 year old part I was living has only slightly moved on, perhaps to 18 years old….While I knew this was different, as per the Skype conversations above, I wasn’t going to take a leap…while I started the leap before all of this cancer shit…it firmly shoved me off the cliff so I already have something to thank it for. Go figure.