I am so very, very tired this evening. I have been held from a distance while I just cried and cried, while the lump of fear melted and thank you. I seem to need to do that every day, at least once a day – a release as my wonderful friend and homeopath told me this morning…I work, I hold it together, I feel like I have achieved something and then the processing begins and the tears come. They wash away the fear, every time…I don’t understand it at all, none of it, but that is how it works…for now.

The number of you wonderful people reading this blog is increasing every day…how bloody amazing that there are so many people out there who I love and who love me. And you know, I feel it so often. This journey is about love and healing – the latter is obvious of course – but I know its about love.

I hope to sleep tonight – its been elusive, although the night horrors only happened the first night when I heard…but the other nights are restless and anxious. Honestly, I kind of dread the nights. I have had a lifelong history of night terrors on and off so this is not new…but I could live without it nonetheless.

I need reassurance today. I need to hear that it will all be OK. Frankly, I don’t even care if you lie, but I need to hear it. I want to live – I desperately want to live and enjoy life like I have been enjoying it.

This is not much of a post…I have just ordered a bloody great steak, I want to talk to the man and I want to sleep – and I know that each day I have been having really good days…just over tired now and hungry…never a good combination. And getting a  bit sick of being alone here – I needed it, I think I still need it but…I am not making sense so I will sign off.

Thank you, all of you, for walking this with me.