Again. Sitting on the plane, which was due to take off 20 mins ago, and it’s been hilarious. Mass seat confusion, an old, conservative lady   having been moved 4 times where I am personally not convinced she is actually on the right flight at all….A woman with a baby trying to get out of sitting in a middle seat, fair enough, but then what appears to be her husband rocks up after 15 mins and swaps with her….someone else who prefers to be in a cramped middle seat rather than the bulkhead. Wonderful. 

In between, frantic work calls and e-mails over the latest urgent and complicated situation with a partner organization who are, at very best, dodgy as fuck. Me eventually saying, almost as frantically, ‘don’t do anything at all for the next 5 hours while I’m in the air!’.

And I miss The Man. Lots. The last period of time with him, especially the nights (out of the gutter, all of you) have made such a huge difference. I’ve had years of my life with varying degrees of night terrors, decreasing in intensity and frequency over the years. But of course something as big as cancer triggers them off again, and the last few nights in Amman really got to me. So not being alone and being held, in the way I needed to be held, had made an enormous positive difference. 

And all of you – to those currently looking after my children big and small, Steve who visited me and understood I would ignore you for days as needed to have my time with The Man, to those who write, make me laugh, show me daily love and caring – you are all amazing. Mad bastards, all of you, but amazing.  I need a lot of practical help these days, and will continue to need it. Not something I am familiar with asking or receiving – but I am learning thanks to the love  you all show me.

Right – apparently we are off now – likely an hour late or so. Wonder if the older lady had realized she is on the wrong flight yet.