And I am feeling weirdly content with bursts of happiness. Go figure. However, I will take it anytime it comes :-).

I think sleeping 10 hours last night could be part of the reason – literally can’t remember the last time I did that. Its the weekend here so I have lazed about all morning, still in bed, wonderful.

Heading for a work meeting at the Taj Mall later today – and have just seen they have a roller skating rink there – and a disco sometimes apparently. I love it. I want to take the skype calls I have later while roller skating – and in fact, I think I will suggest that we have the next Senior Management Meeting during the roller disco. Team building. I could go on….

Today has brought a huge sense of relief and belief (note my clever rhyming) that all will be well. And, this is weird, but that I need this journey in my life, it is necessary and will actually bring a huge amount of good things to me. And for those around me. I honesty can’t explain it, perhaps best I don’t try to even to myself, but the sense is very strong, grounded and real. Underpinned by the knowledge that this is all about love – I have felt that from the start so very strongly and it has never wavered. Yes, cancer sucks, but the outpouring of love and care is incredible and in fact outweighs by far the negative. Perhaps that is why I am not seeing this cancer as dark which I always imagined I would.

I wrote to a bunch of parents from Yannis and Aissa’s classes today – telling them I have cancer, my treatment will start soon and that I will need help with the children in the coming 6 or more months. It was powerful writing it – asking for help that publicly, showing myself to be vulnerable, listing clearly what I need and how I want to deal with this for the kids specifically. Emotional stuff. And already I have had some truly genuine and lovely responses – tear jerking, but those healing sort of tears…I am clearly becoming an expert on the different types of crying I am doing…just when you thought you knew it all and all that.

While we are on weird, I am getting my head around the chemo. To the point of actually welcoming it and embracing it – yes, I did say embrace. You know when you get a craving for a food or something healthy because you feel really strongly your body needs it? (If not, don’t read on or else it won’t make sense….) That is how I am feeling, today, about the chemo. Like my body is almost craving it.

All of this could actually be complete bollocks and because I have actually become institutionalised in The Kempinski Hotel here in Amman. I seem to enter yet another parallel universe here – I received my diagnosis here, I cried (and cry) here a lot, I have felt alternately safe and terrified here, I unpack when I arrive (I normally live out of bags), I set everything up around me – coffee, cosmetics, bathroom stuff etc etc – kind of like I imagine you would in a prison cell. It is all intimately familiar and in some ways cocoon like. And at times cell like. But today, it is comforting and safe – and I have checked, the walls aren’t actually padded nor are there any white jackets with very, very long white sleeves left out for me, so we are all good.