I said to Hayley. Her response – ‘oh fuck, now I’m really concerned’. Me, ‘umm, not so concerned about me having cancer, really concerned about Amman growing on me???’

Amman is dull. Looks the same, literally – majority of buildings are the same colour, sleepy, repressed to a degree, not a huge amount happening, safe and so on. Exactly what I need right now. The ease is appealing, the dullness soothing. And I did spend a couple of hours in a great spa earlier – I often want to run out of these places, but had a brilliant Thai massage – the first massage I have had since I was diagnosed. Was worried about getting them, in particular from anyone that could ‘tune in’ inadvertently to the cancer. But this was great, purely structural and just what I needed.

Sadly, not another 10 hours sleep last night…nowhere even close, actually. Will have to do something about sleep when I start chemo, although no idea what just yet, but I have regular insomnia which I struggle with in ‘normal’ circumstances, never mind with chemo. There were two things I noticed about having cancer before I knew I had it – (no, not both lumps!) – extreme tiredness and not able to get as fit as I should have been, given the exercise regime I was following then. Both didn’t sit right with me – however, strangely enough, I didn’t think, ‘oh, I must have cancer because I can’t seem to get fit and I’m wasted’…. But, they do make sense now. As does the knot under my left shoulder blade that months of seeing a chiropractor couldn’t shift – correlates to the lumps in my left boob pretty much. Nice to know my body is that sensitive on all counts – reacting in those ways which are subtle but indicating something is wrong. If that makes any sense.

Its 5.45pm here, I am going to order room service, see can I get Netflix to work if the internet speed will allow my dodgy hiding the real ISP location service…and tune out. Well, try. If so, another first since I was diagnosed.