Too late – said it. Claire, you told me that Nara said to you that she thought I was already better – and as usual with our weird and wonderful children I actually know what she meant.

Of course, there is the possibility that I am in rampant denial. Wouldn’t be the first time…

The tumour on my lymph node hurts – more uncomfortable than actually painful. But I am acutely aware of it a lot of the time. And actually got angry with it the other day – not exclusively – with its companion as well. Like a ‘for fuck’s sake, I have to go through a whole lot of hell because of you – would you fuck off?!?’ Not furious, but cross really.

Point being that it’s not like I forget I have cancer, therefore I don’t think it’s denial. More like I will do absolutely anything it takes to get over this, quite literally anything. And in that surrender the healing is taking place. I see lots of people worrying about the hair loss, losing a breast etc – it may well change but I truly couldn’t give a fuck. (Lots of ‘fuck’s in this post). If that’s what it takes to be cured of cancer, absolutely fine – I’m not complaining! 

I am well today. I have endless things that make me so incredibly grateful and happy. And at the center of all of them is love. With a liberal touch of insanity ;).