Day 4 – pros:

1. Following my (wonderful) acupuncture appointment yesterday, the haze lifted. i.e. the darkness went and some (its relative) clarity has returned.
2. Its Saturday. I like Saturday’s – its the one day where nobody is working – not those on a Mon – Fri work week nor those on a Sun – Thurs one.
3. I am managing to drink a large cup of coffee – the first since Tuesday.
4. I didn’t spill said cup of coffee as I was trying to get up the stairs in the dark – believe me, that is a big achievement.
5. Thanks to wonderful friend, had dry cleaned duvet last night, minus the chicken soup I spilled on it a couple of days ago.
6. I have, I fervently hope, finished EC chemo forever. I am hesitant to say that for a whole host of realistic reasons, but perhaps I will celebrate it just for today.
7. I have no idea why I used to score benzodiazepines. Being stoned on them sucks. Bye, bye sleeping pills
8. I have, I think, realised that the insomnia is in part to do with the steroids, and a lot to do with needing to process. Which I am not doing during day time hours
9. My staggering around my room at various times during the night last night didn’t result in my clothes rail falling over. It is presently sagging to the left markedly, but still standing. I think had it fell, I may have cried. Or thrown myself or my clothes out of the window I was trying to open. Then close. Then open again. Hot flushes….

Cons:

1. Chemo really fucking sucks
2. Actually, having cancer fucking sucks. I’m kind of done with it now.