Until my last chemo! And I have managed to survive today without proposing to anyone – not bad, given my February history over the years… Life is still very surreal – the sense of disconnectedness is pretty strong most of the time – wandering around feeling slightly bewildered and very spacy. Yeah, yeah – I…

From the ultrasound yesterday :). The tumour in my breast has pretty much disappeared – they could only find it from the marker that was put in (remember the ‘microchipping exercise…..?) and what they could see was tiny and she thought could be scar tissue. Apparently cancer cells either just disappear or can form scar…

Yes, definitely a link to all of those. I mentioned February has always been a time for change – not sure if I mentioned that I’m also crap with dates? So, my divorce finally came through this month, my ex mentioned it was almost 10 years to the day we had got married (I genuinely…

In terms of treatment – here is where I am at: 4 x 3 weekly EC chemo’s – tick 9 x weekly Taxol chemo’s – tick 5 days of anxiety meds – tick Appointments to see surgeon, radiologist and Prof not so aloof over next 2 weeks – tick Researching different types of surgery from…

Today. Or perhaps it’s cumulative. Whatever it is, I am just absolutely exhausted – that horrible core level tired on every level. Awful as it may sound, being with the kids is completely draining. Just spent 2 days with them and The Man – a first – in his place. We’ve been trying to do…

And she is lovely. Perfect. Recommended by Prof Aloof…so for all his disconnect, he actually gets me as he was spot on about her. In short, the ‘pit’ I fall into is severe anxiety attacks – more than depression. Although she, like me, doesn’t do labels but was just finding terms to explain. When I…

I just enjoyed Alvin and the Chipmunks Road Chip movie. Really.  I can only blame chemo, steroids and diminished mental status.  Perhaps worth mentioning that I did bring the kids – I didn’t just go myself or on a date to see it. 

I am officially two thirds of the way through the Taxol chemo – number 8 under my belt :). Currently looking like a waxwork model of myself – the post chemo yellow look. Not attractive. Feeling all the usual things – exhaustion winning over most currently.  Dr Aloof was Dr Connected and Engaged today….I immediately…

Bloody hell its good to be home. If not a little surreal: off the plane, drop my bags at home, straight to Yannis’ school play. Moses. From Islam to Judaism,  Hebrew songs included.  The journey home was hellish – The Man and I managed to row from when we left the house until one hour…

No, I am not trying to remind you all of the date – just that I only realised today what date it is. 6 years ago on this date I started with Save the Children in Somalia – my first job with a major NGO in East Africa (or, in fact, the entire continent of…

Just agreed with one of you wonderful people that we will find a place that provides the above to celebrate the end of my cancer treatment – and cure of course! Lots of retreats that offer meditation, mindfulness, lectures on how to stay healthy post cancer. Fuck that. Interestingly, haven’t found one yet that offers…

In order to reconstruct. Something I am intimately familiar with. Luckily I never became an architect since there is something clearly flawed with the way I often construct things. Demonstrated by the present need for collapse and re-build – would be more than a little problematic if it were actual buildings with people in them that…