It’s getting closer all the time… 10 days until I leave for Geneva/Kenya with the little ones and a couple of small bags between us.  12 days until the movers come to take my stuff and put it in storage, take the kids stuff and send it to Ireland 17 days until they come and…

!!!!! During chemo, I cried one day because I saw someone running down the escalators. Really. I mean really, I cried. I was so weak, in pain, off balance that I needed all my concentration to just get on and off the escalators. At that point, I honestly didn’t believe I would ever get back…

Thank fuck!!! Just watched the entire 15 minutes of this (completely unrelated to anything) and it absolutely made my day! Get so caught up in the darkness of the world at the moment, easy to miss the bright parts. https://www.buzzfeed.com/scottybryan/get-your-freak-on?utm_term=.uk8yZE4g5#.yeVP1Vr6y I have slept for the last 2 nights which is amazing – thank you wonderful…

Is so ingrained. This limbo with The Man, while knowing it is over at the very least for now, is so against everything I normally do. Just being with the feelings, letting each day happen….Albiet that I am in my head now single – he has clearly let me go – its not neat, quite…

But not backwards 🙂 Bloody hell, what a few days. From The Marsden, which went fine, but was weirdly upsetting being there, to every emotion under the sun overwhelming me re The Man and all that, to dealing with removal companies, children’s illnesses… Prof Aloof was fine – but I wanted to punch him when…

On my way now to visit Prof Aloof. Just said to someone I am looking forward to seeing him…some weird form of Stockholm Syndrome attachment. Clearly the wonderful shrink was right about my ‘attachments’…I do keep smiling at her referring to my feelings for The Man as an attachment.  Not entirely sure why I have…

We love her. Collectively. All of us do – you all do whether you know it or not…. She basically landed the piece with me yesterday – I don’t even really know how. But she did. And nothing from The Man. Which frankly is not OK… But I am done waiting now – insofar as…

I am sorry to turn this blog into one about my relationship currently – I know many of you have so kindly followed my ramblings on my cancer journey and that of course does not have to extend to life post cancer. Obviously you have the option not to read – and I would not…

Its still very up and down, but since yesterday afternoon until now I feel pretty good – as in, the gnawing hole in my gut is not screaming at me and while I am still very raw, I am brighter. Sad to say, since it is such a cliche (I wonder if life post cancer…

I’ve slept the last couple of nights, no school run as its the weekend and I am feeling better. For now. I’ll take for now though 🙂 Its a week today since the last big blow out, when I found out – well, it was midnight, so technically tomorrow, and Wednesday when he messaged saying…

How should I be feeling today? Yes, no shoulds and all that…however, I still wonder how I should be feeling. I know how I shouldn’t be feeling. Which is how I presently feel. Hurt, betrayed, raw and worst of all, like a fucking cliche.  A year ago I was devastated, terrified and in self imposed…

Since I found out I had cancer. In my hotel room in Amman, Jordan – I remember writing on here at something like 3am (albeit my memory is so shot I’d have to look back at the posts to be sure of that…) that it was confirmed. And spending at least another month, if not…