Provisionally stage 3, the most common type, infiltrating ductal cancer – the one in the milk ducts. And the second lump is also cancerous, it’s spread to the lymph nodes so that is cancer on lymph node T5. Now I know why I was crying so much…can’t do much of it here in Amman. Thank…

Worked 15 hours today..still going sort of…loving every minute of it. Sometimes I do feel incredibly blessed – I have a lot of incredible things in my life and loving what I do is one of them. I’ve been unhappy lots of times due to internal politics and so on, but fundamentally I love what…

How (potential) cancer changes your life #2. I can’t wait to go to Amman – arguably one of the dullest places ever….I realised when I lived in Lebanon that I was burring out at the end after I arrived in Amman for a conference and started thinking how pleasant, quiet and relaxing it was…..as opposed…

Sadly, I can’t say that this waiting for cancer or not results is causing my mood swings…since I fluctuate pretty regularly in ‘normal’ times. But I am happy this evening – still have the knot of tension/anxiety – hey, I’m human – but also feeling lighter and smiling. Largely due to the two friends I have…

This post straight after the other one…I really will be writing a book. The last one ended up being about time…I don’t figure these out, but just write what comes out when I start writing. And feel so much better when I do. I know you, my friends, are reading these posts and it means…

In fact, slightly less than 4 days….my appointment on Tuesday was at 3pm and its 9.15am on Saturday now. Really. What is it with time warps in highly emotional situations? When you get really bad news, time stands still for those seconds: when you are doing something you love, it speeds past: when you are…

Which I think came across as a little martyr-like and self piteous in some parts. Fuck that. I did not cry in the shower. I am not ‘soldiering on’ – I am genuinely tough and resilient, I don’t need to pretend to be because I honestly am. I am capable of asking for what I…

My NBF Prem clearly has decided being my BF takes too much hard work…Something appears to be going on, or perhaps again I am inventing things so that all of this may make some sense to me, but I find it strange I haven’t received my FNA results yet. Note…I am already getting with the…

I heard from Prem (Premila Natarajan, the Breast Cancer nurse who is working her way to my NBF list rather rapidly) at 10.21pm last night saying that she had had a study day, hence the late response, and that the results weren’t back. She will check today, but has a very busy clinic in the…

From the breast clinic today… The nurse was totally on top of it yesterday, mailing me twice, confirming she was in a meeting today until 2pm and would check her mails after that and get back to me. I sent a gentle reminder (someone recently told me about a typo a colleague had made in…

I have been unbelievably happy, frivolous and behaving like a teenager. Except enjoying the teenage part this time round, less a reliving than a discovering. All this since I moved back to the UK last November, 27 years after having left – never thinking I would love it back in London as much as I…

The book that was never written…lets see can it be a blog…at least this time there will no mad writer for me to end up living with, other than myself…. I am currently waiting for a result of a biopsy to tell me if I have breast cancer or not and by this time tomorrow…