I was saying yesterday that I could come up with some innovative ice breakers for the workshop: ‘I have cancer. Break into groups of 4 and discuss’ ‘On the projector is a picture of me – take these sticky note pads and each write down one thing you can do for me’ Instead, I ended…

Drugs – Lorazepam to be precise. Rock – that would be the one I’ve been under the last few week. Roll….ing back into the light again.  I caved – I took a sleeping pill last night. And had nearly 9 hours of sleep. For those of you who may be less familiar, its been over…

Just finished speaking to the kids and there have been lots of discussions it seems about the different costumes/characters I could be now I am bald…headless horseman….painted pumpkin head…Fortunately I am in Amman where there is no trick or treating…saved by Islam. Day 4 – detoxing from the chemo like mad most of the night…

I start counting from the day after chemo…for those of you who are interested in how my little (yes, rapidly diminishing) mind works. And of course, the joy of reading, you can just skip or ignore parts or the whole :-). So, chemo day is 0 day, then I start counting…so today is day 2….

My first chemo in Amman – and of course the wonderful Dr ISIS visit a couple of days ago… This time I went in with The Man, so slightly less surreal than a vague colleague I knew. And Shiv, sorry, but nothing major to report – it went really well, he was slightly horrified by…

Phew..pretty much complete meltdown since I arrived in Jordan a few days ago. In retrospect, probably because I could since The Man is here. But bloody hell, it’s been rough. Slowly coming out the other side of it, been crying most of the last 2 days, and a couple of evenings before that..The insomnia I…

I slept on and off last night, my sleep while not great is definitely getting better so definitely a chemo side effect – have heard others talking about it as well. The darkness lifted after I wrote and has receded – not fully gone yet, but definitely a lot further away. And had a great…

Outside and inside right now. Slow decline over the day and full on in the last hour or so. Shut The Man out due to what was probably a silly misunderstanding. The fact is that I shouldn’t be alone now, but I am – reality sucks at times – and I am in full on…

Can you say things like that when you have cancer….survive, lost the will to live, I may die (my favourite when crossing the road stupidly)…? Well, I do…. Anyway – fuck – I am here now. What a hell of a week. One full week back home, post Jordan, post chemo worst side effects and…

The insomnia sucks. Really bad this time – since the last chemo – haven’t actually slept one full night, or even remotely close to it since last Tuesday. Its really difficult to not get in a complete spin about it – functioning with chronic lack of sleep at the best of times is difficult, combining…

I know you were all anxiously waiting to find out. And I have to tell you, hand on heart, it’s a plus side of chemo..no waxing required.  So of course that leads me to want to write a list about chemo plus sides. To say I am sick (pun intended) of feeling, thinking and writing…

The Man just landed in Amman, and I am home in bed with Aissa watching Cinderella. Amazingly cute. Yannis on a sleepover so super excited, packed and ready to go an hour beforehand, Hayley working tonight so just me and Aissa and it’s great. We never get this kind of time so it’s very precious….