Must be a song title like that – I know it definitely applies to post birth times and apparently now chemo. It’s rough as hell today – well, since last night. Pretty sure I overdid it the last couple of days and it just hit me last night…ho hum. Weak, exhausted, hyper sensitive physically and…

There are some fantastic hats around – well, head coverings and hats…sadly, on Etsy mostly in the US so a while to ship…but still great. I will do chemo stylish. I went in yesterday with a lace and velvet top, black trousers, boots etc… Not bad today at all – once I do nothing. But…

Here at the Marsden, no buckets of water yet…and no menu either…deeply disappointing.  However, just seen the doc, who was great and much more engaged and who, more importantly, told me the tumours have shrunk. Absolutely fucking fantastic!!!! I thought they had, but didn’t say anything to anyone as I wanted to be sure and…

When the going gets tough, the tough put on their onesies. At 7am. I wanted to wear mine for the school run, but Hayley pointed out that I had a lot to do directly after which may be a little awkward in a bear suit. She is worryingly sensible…no idea how or why.   

My hair is out. I was losing it the last few days, The Man shaved it to a number 2 and this morning it literally started coming out in clumps. And I cried. And I am wearing a head covering. And I realised that in Jordan it’s going to look I have converted to Islam…

My hair started to fall out this morning….not massively yet, but definitely a lot more in the shower than normal, and each time I run my hands over my hair some comes out. Apparently its very different for everyone – some lose it gradually, some in big chunks within days. No matter how many jokes…

I probably shouldn’t even be mentioning this here, but will claim temporary (permanent?!?) insanity if they arrest me….there is an ongoing investigation into fraud with a local NGO that the agency I am working with have been dragged into. And of course I have managed to be in the middle of it all – well,…

And more new things to learn – honestly, this is more and more like some sort of weird experiment with myself as the guinea pig. Bizarrely fascinating.  First – the injections. Apparently you are at greater risk of blood clots when on chemo, so you have to inject yourself the day before and the day…

I just bought a pair of Birkenstocks. For fuck’s sake. And I actually really like them. 

Yesterday was tough – the ups and downs can be, what do we say in the NGO world, ‘challenging’. Fucking crap would be closer to the truth. So from buzzing the day before, to crashing yesterday – mainly I think from tiredness. Well, also from going to see the lovely, but completely insane, woman who…

Hahahahahaha – I have just realized that for a limited amount of time I can literally pull my hair out when I’m frustrated. How fucking cool would that be in a work meeting or something?!!!!! And – no waxing needed. The hairs on my body are starting to disappear…. 2 pluses to chemotherapy 🙂

Day 6 and surfacing. I have so far survived my first chemo – pretty bloody cool :). I know now what to expect – assuming of course it is the same for the next 3 rounds of this type of chemo. Days 1 & 3 were the toughest, day 2 weirdly good, days 4 &…