Thats for a whole day…incredible really. Night times can be a bit rough, but being with The Man does help that a lot… Its all OK today. All the things I had that made me very, very happy before, I still have. I am healthy today, I feel good, I am alive in every sense….

I am feeling good today. I am not sure if its:  denial, insanity, actually having cancer, The Man (thank you Margaret for reminding me I should at least put him in capital letters), getting some rest, ignoring fucking hospitals, some other disease that is affecting my brain, the weather…..or of course all of the above….

Had a super productive morning – getting a plan B & C in place. And trying to remind myself I am not breast cancer with Sonia, I’m ‘just’ Sonia 😉 I have booked a private appointment for next week with a surgeon, I have been accepted at the Royal Marsden at least, I still have…

Lucky I’m not obsessive.  And fuck, is this a rollercoaster. But one with a huge amount of love and laughter along the way – in fact, more of that than anything else. Which is incredible.  I’m staying with the man in Oxford since yesterday, came to London tonight for a meeting, on the train back…

Me: ‘Bloody hell, last night was rough as hell, as was today – scared, crying….’ (I was continuing in this vein) Chrissie: ‘Oh yes, how was your bikini wax yesterday?’ 

Which really is intensely painful.  I called from Amman last Wednesday to get a referral to the Royal Marsden. GP said she was on it. Called me Thursday to say she’s asked the consultant at original hospital to make the referral as it would be quicker. I had my doubts. I received a letter at…

Are amazing. Since I got home on Thursday afternoon: A beautiful book of poetry was waiting for me at home when I got back, gifted by a friend via Amazon. My 3 children, as I write, on their way to the villa in Tuscany, driven by a friend who just completed 1200km in 2 days,…

A friend posted this on FB yesterday – and of course it is totally apt. And I do really think the woman in the picture is incredible. So, apologies for the soppy shit, but hey – I have cancer, I’m allowed. And boy, am I going to abuse that sentiment as much as possible –…

May well be what sends me over the edge today. I have quite literally been counting down the hours until I see the man…with lots of talk about collapsing in a heap, feeling safe and well, other stuff I don’t need to list here. I was due to land at 1445, he is meeting me…

Perhaps I should rename this blog ‘just’….funnily enough, read a story yesterday about how women should not use the word ‘just’ if they want to be respected – professionally that is. And actually, I get that – I often use it in a work context and it is often disempowering and pseudo apologetic. However, not…

Just my two friendly local lumps. Yipppppeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Not the most pleasant test in the world. Utterly surreal scanning place…more on that later…would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified right now.  Need to laugh now more than ever.  So – as I just wrote to the man – I will either be hysterical or celebrating in a few hours…and yes, the…