I am sorry to turn this blog into one about my relationship currently – I know many of you have so kindly followed my ramblings on my cancer journey and that of course does not have to extend to life post cancer. Obviously you have the option not to read – and I would not…

Its still very up and down, but since yesterday afternoon until now I feel pretty good – as in, the gnawing hole in my gut is not screaming at me and while I am still very raw, I am brighter. Sad to say, since it is such a cliche (I wonder if life post cancer…

I’ve slept the last couple of nights, no school run as its the weekend and I am feeling better. For now. I’ll take for now though 🙂 Its a week today since the last big blow out, when I found out – well, it was midnight, so technically tomorrow, and Wednesday when he messaged saying…

How should I be feeling today? Yes, no shoulds and all that…however, I still wonder how I should be feeling. I know how I shouldn’t be feeling. Which is how I presently feel. Hurt, betrayed, raw and worst of all, like a fucking cliche.  A year ago I was devastated, terrified and in self imposed…

Since I found out I had cancer. In my hotel room in Amman, Jordan – I remember writing on here at something like 3am (albeit my memory is so shot I’d have to look back at the posts to be sure of that…) that it was confirmed. And spending at least another month, if not…

Describes me pretty well today… This ‘putting your life back together/rebuilding/decluttering/totally fucking changing your life’ post cancer is another sort of rollercoaster, but a rolleroaster nonetheless. I am alive. And my god, (not sure I have a god, but…) that is good. Yet another of my nemesis (what’s the plural of nemesis…is there a plural?!!)…

Life post cancer. Wading through the aftermath of cancer – quite literally sometimes like wading through the wreckage, pulling out what is salvageable, discarding what is not, building some things from scratch, re-building others. It seems a little never ending in some ways, logical in others and consistently quite bizarre. The to do list to…

And back to writing! It feels like forever since I have had some space to myself….in fact, I think it has been at least 100 years… A few factual updates: 24 days since my last radio – should be 23 but missed the last one About 7 days since I finished antibiotics for the 2nd…

Not yet, anyway. Took a break from posting – but prepare to be inundated over the next week. Dropping the kids to do the last week of term in their new school in Northern Ireland and I will stay in a B&B in Bangor nearby…and sleep. And potentially even venture out. And write…..

I still seem to be battling on all fronts as well as swinging between intensely vulnerable to…actually, I’m not sure to what. I have bursts of energy, gratitude, happiness, freedom and excitement (not all simultaneously – that would make me Miss World on acid) which break through regular the current norm for me at present….

I am thrilled I don’t have cancer anymore. Just to get that out there, for me. I will be even more thrilled when I don’t have cancer treatments anymore and when I have finally managed to pick up all the pieces of my shattered life. I use the word shattered literally as opposed to any…

Is the current theme. Along with slow the fuck down.  There has been an incredible synchronicity since my diagnosis and treatment. Without wishing to sound like some fake spiritual guru, there really have been so many times where things have just slotted into place exactly as they should.  Cancer ‘made’ me surrender – well, cancer…