Lucky I’m not obsessive. 

And fuck, is this a rollercoaster. But one with a huge amount of love and laughter along the way – in fact, more of that than anything else. Which is incredible. 

I’m staying with the man in Oxford since yesterday, came to London tonight for a meeting, on the train back now. And thinking how lucky I am. Yes, really. 

I have no idea what is going to happen next, I choose for now to believe I will be OK. But right here, right now I am more than OK – I have so very much in my life that far exceeds OK. In fact, there is quite literally nothing that I lack. I just have a couple of extra things that I don’t need…

I was talking tonight about what an incredible life I have had so far – but the one thing I haven’t done is lived some of it purely for me. I don’t say that with regret, but rather that I am going to do my best to do just that now. Do things for me, only for me, that make my heart sing. Which is probably more terrifying than the cancer! I have chosen a life and career that is all about giving, for a whole host of reasons – most definitely not all altruistic by any stretch. But I have never lived a hedonistic period of life – literally never. Never focussed on what I want, what will make me and only me happy. Never picked up and travelled just for me. I have had children pretty much all of my adult life, my using days were miserable so it’s time now. Heading to the man at this moment of time is a good start….

Again I ask you my friends to help me with this – all or any of you who can give me tips, step forwards ;). It can be what you have done or through knowing me what you think I should/can do.