Now there’s a first…..well, since 30th June anyway. I do try to not compartmentalise things into ‘before I found out I had cancer’ and ‘since I found out’ but it’s quite difficult to avoid. I have a picture on my phone of me and Aissa dancing at Pride in London in June – I LOVE that pic (rare I love one with me in it as am photo-phobic – if that is the right word…don’t think it is…but you get what I mean.. perhaps I’ll stick a dash in it after ‘photo’ to make it clearer….easier than googling to find the right word :). 

Now I have rambled and forgotten my point.. Oh yes, I look at that picture and it makes me smile, a lot. Then I think, ‘I was so happy then’, followed by, ‘that was before I had cancer’, followed by, ‘no, that was before I knew I had cancer’. Then I get sad. Then I tell myself I can still be as happy…haven’t yet quite managed to convince myself of that yet. But I will. 

It’s hard to distinguish things like the above from either the thud of reality or the heaviness of a dark cloud around me.  The former is fine, the latter not so much. Answers on a postcard….

I am writing this while in bed with The Man – yes, TMI – however, clearly not inappropriate as I would hardly be blogging if so! Where I would like to stay for the next week….sadly though, off to the airport heading back to Amman in a couple of hours.