Yes, its all to do with The Man. He arrived Wednesday night and as per the title, I have been stupidly happy ever since. Consistently. I had a blip on Saturday, but going through it with him around made it so much less painful, not last as long, and reinforced the sense of being supported – amazing.

And slowing, for now, coming to realise that this whole cancer trip is a journey. As in (not sure if I have written this already as its been spinning around my head for a while) living with and treating cancer is part of my life and may be for a long time – or not – the point being I don’t know. So instead of dividing my life into chunks – for example, now I have cancer, next is the chemo, then results, then surgery and so on, all the way through waiting and living on results, outcomes, prognosis – I am living with cancer and my life continues. I of course want to be free of cancer, but that is not sure and nor is it anytime soon, so I need to incorporate it into my life rather than put any parts of my life on hold until I finish treatment/get results/do a different treatment etc.

That feels like a huge piece landing for me. It could of course all change, but for now, it feels really important to land that and move forwards. An important thing is to make sure I am learning on this journey – that it is not ‘life as usual, just add cancer’ but rather ‘my new life with cancer’. The latter being an improved life – discarding what I don’t need, adding new learnings such as vulnerability and love, making sure I gently keep moving forwards embracing every new experience.

Does it sound insane to say I am embracing my cancer? Embracing my new life that cancer is showing me? Perhaps. But for today, it makes sense to me. Because today I am stupidly happy. And the reasons I am stupidly happy would not be in existence were it not for my cancer.