Currently on the plane, we’ve just taken off from Amman. Only 45 mins late. Yesterday’s flight was apparently cancelled and a ton of people from that flight were jostling to get on this one – no guarantee they would get a seat – WTF?!

Anyway – on my way back home to see the kids – have literally only seen the little ones for 3 days in over 2 months. Clearly that leads to me repeating myself since I’m pretty sure I’ve written this already. Plus I’m writing this at the same time as watching a very silly but funny movie – Spy – perfect brain fluff.

My friends, help me to remember to laugh – I have had too many sense of humor failures recently. I realized after my last post that part of the issue has been me giving too much in work the last couple of weeks. In homeopathy, cancer is all about giving too much, over and above and to your own detriment. And that has been happening at work the last 2 or so weeks. I’m on this journey to learn, and learning I am. Realizing that the feeling of pushing myself to the last drop, then finding that bit more to squeeze out, is a normal state of being for me in all areas of my life. And I quite literally can’t afford to do that now because I need that energy to get well again. May sound blindly obvious, but actually quite a revelation to me and something know I won’t be able to change immediately but recognizing it is half the battle.

Along with focusing on me. That really is a challenge – I am getting better with doing it in practice, but not so good yet at not buying into reactions, however subtle they may be. I work in my life intuitively and the loudest ‘language’ for me are emotions, so that is what I pick up on the most. 

Each day, mostly each minute of each day, I work on trying to keep on track, doing what I need to do to be stable, to cope, to learn, to see this in a positive light, to be happy and joyful, to let myself cry and be scared without it consuming me. It’s an enormous balancing act and one where I constantly topple over. Then my energy goes into stabilizing myself again. It’s not something I’m used to – keeping the focus on me, what I need, not responding to verbal or non verbal needs of others. But I know it’s an integral part of my recovery and the only way I will survive living with cancer. So bear with me my friends, I am learning this and it’s unchartered waters so I don’t get it right all the time and perhaps not even very much of the time. 

And I do so love random acts of kindness. The man on the plane next to me is sharing his chocolate with me. Just sharing because that is what you do – simple and wonderful.