My hair is out. I was losing it the last few days, The Man shaved it to a number 2 and this morning it literally started coming out in clumps. And I cried. And I am wearing a head covering. And I realised that in Jordan it’s going to look I have converted to Islam because I will be going around with my head covered. For fucks sake. Dr ISIS will love me.
So, I am now officially bald. Well, a few tufts, but they are coming out. Oh – and I am wearing a buff – they are great – but the remnants of my hair are falling out under it so it feels like is moving on my head. Or like there are ants on my head. And..the clumps started coming out in the shower..where Yannis had broken the temperature control last night. Clumps of hair coming out, me crying, the shower burning me. From the sublime to the ridiculous!
I told the kids a couple of hours ago. They were both very shaken but I am feeling solid and can hold the space. Tough on them though no matter what.
To top it all, worked like crazy on the flight and airport yesterday in order to have today off – then a major security incident happened to having to deal with that all day.
Check out website called fmylife.com – it’s brilliant – and at the very least my burning/hair falling ou story qualifies!
Walk with me 
Oh Sonia. My heart goes out to you. Hair loss sucks. Having to to carry cancer in any visible way that make people think they are entitled to ask you questions, mega sucks. Having to tell your kids – I cannot imagine. It seems every step of the way brings on a new shift. Monster hugs from here. XOXO
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Thank you :). Yes, yesterday was rough…no escaping it. However, been out all morning with my headscarf and actually it’s been much better than I thought. A lot of looks, but like a quick acknowledgment rather than anything else. Let’s see…
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I had to Google ‘hair buff’. I am stuck in the 80’s with words like ‘crunchie’. The thing about cancer #39: a whole new vocabulary
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Hahahahaha!!! No, a scrunchie wouldn’t work, even stretched as a hairband….
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Poor, dear old Trout, I really do feel for you, so no Dog-like jokes from this end today. But I will say that I feel the initial shock of losing your hair is immense, but you will, I know, adjust to it. Putting on your headscarf will become everyday once the shock subsides (to say nothing of the admiring glances from Dr. ISIS – not to be sniffed at). I really do feel it’s the shock, the small violence of it that is making you feel this way at first. But you WILL adjust. And it WILL grow back. But I feel your pain and I hear you xxx
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Yes, exactly – it’s is just that re the shocks – literally that. Once they subside, it’s fine…there are just quite a lot of them and it’s about learning to roll with them. Rather than fall.
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Well, you are rolling with them. The shock, in your case, and in each case, is subsiding quickly and even if you do stumble a bit, even fall, you are picking yourself up quickly. Nothing more can be asked of you xxx
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I love the expression “small violence” that ShivX used above. It must be close to what it feels for you – small and big violence(s). And you ARE getting through it, day by day, hour by hour, with even some “good” and “normal (for us)” days thrown in sporadically. Like Bene, I also had to look up “hair buff” as I had visions of some (very un-Sonia-like) pouffy item. It looks similar to something I wear for walking and running, except mine fits neatly over the head and ties at the back. I actually think a lot of gang members wear them over here. So, you can only imagine the vision that I am, walking/running around a very upper middle class neighbourhood, in my gang headwear (one is bright orange), and red, sweaty face. You, Sonia Z., are an incredible human being. I am truly amazed by you every day. XXX
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Margaret – I want some of those head coverings!!! We can start the bald gang, spread across 3 continents (I’ll do it in the Middle East as well). What are they called so I can look them up?!?!
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Love the idea of the very upper middle-class neighbourhood being terrorised by you Margaret!
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I think they’re actually called “sweat caps.” I found them in Walmart (another insult to my snobby neighbourhood) when we were in Arizona earlier this year. They’re like an incredibly light skull cap, but with a small tie at the back. For the heat of Southern California, they really are great, particularly because of their lightweight material. No Californian pretty women’s tinted golfing visors for me, thank you. I can’t bear the weight of that kind of thing, nor baseball caps, on this big head. If your dressing gown hadn’t gone astray, I would have offered to buy you some and ship them over. In that case, you would be looking for a Royal Mail worker dressed in a fluffy(ish), cheerful, sea green dressing gown, sporting some kind of skull cap. If you want to risk it, I can see if I can get you some?
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