To my new home and to life back in London.
You know I have said on here a few time that this whole rollercoaster has felt as if the ground under me randomly falls away and I fall between the cracks with no warning? And how it’s like contantly waking up and all of my belongings and furniture have been moved so I am totally disorientated, not knowing when it will happen? Well, I came home to that literally on Sunday.
We had of course moved. Hayley had done an incredible job, she really is something else. Unsurprisingly, my room was absolute chaos where I couldn’t find anything, bedding for my new bed hadn’t arrived and I literally had no idea where anything was. Something that would normally mildly irritate me…but now, with my life emotionally feeling like it, I was so incredibly upset and thrown. And exhausted from the flight on Sunday going through to Monday so didn’t have it in me to do anything about it apart from panic and get upset. I literally couldn’t bear to try and get dressed properly until a friend arrived on Monday afternoon – as in, I couldn’t cope with my room and not being able to find anything.
Again reinforcing how much i need you all. I cannot do this alone, and I am so incredibly lucky I don’t have to.
Walk with me 
I think if I had come back from a long and arduous trip home, I think I would have been upset too (without cancer). Going from one stressful situation into another (flying and moving – albeit the move was already done) is absolutely guaranteed to tip a person over the edge. Anyone. You are THE most active person undergoing cancer treatment I have ever known. And you’re human (yep….you are) with a tipping point way beyond my own. I hope you can take time to ease into some restful moments (I know you have young children, so this is not always easy) and just be. Re Hayley: She really is a spectacular human being, with a lot of her mother’s wonderful and rare ethics and many, many more of her own. I wish I knew her as an adult – she will probably always be two or three in my mind, with a brief encounter in early teenage years – she’s someone worth knowing. XXX
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Thank you again my friend. I know I keep saying thank you – but I mean it every single time. You are right – of course it would be stressful for anyone – I do forget that – including me with or without cancer. And Hayley is exceptional – no doubt as a direct result of us attaching her to bungee ropes with notes for the landlord pinned on her in her formative years :). Xx
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