Is apparently what I have so far according to the lovely Dr ISIS. So off I went to research it – apparently there are 4 types of responses – can’t remember the exact terms but:

1. Full, complete response is the best -I.e. no sign of the tumour(s) at all.
2. Partial response – tumours have shrunk but still there (various degrees of this which I am not sure where I fall and need to look into it more)
3. No response – tumours remain the same
4. Acceleration – tumours continue to grow.

So – I of course by the end of chemo want number 1 which is the best case scenario apparently both for treatment and less likelihood of recurrence. Although for that latter fact I am relying on google so do need to discuss with the doc.

A little tricky not to obsess about it actually, since on Tuesday I will hit the half way mark of Taxol (yipppppeeee). Next ultrasound will be in Feb – so I had one after EC treatment was finished, and then due one soon and I assume another after chemo. I think the lumps are smaller since Dec – the lymph node is for sure but that can fluctuate. As per my post from a while ago, they had disappeared altogether at one point, but then I could feel them again. Not even slightly confusing.

Have to admit some gut (hahahaha – spellcheck changed ‘gut’ to ‘guy’ – much prefer ‘guy clenching!)  clenching fear around this. Not all consuming by any stretch, but it’s what I expected – switching slowly to the next phase – has chemo worked, to what degree, what is the prognosis, what does it tell me etc etc.  Not to mention me clutching at my boob all the time to feel the lumps…

I can feel the pulling feeling on the tumours, the one in my breast specifically, which happened a lot on EC and it literally feels like the chemo is eating away at the tumour. So that is a good sign – I got over the weirdness off the sensation a while back ;). And my boob looks completely normal again – more so all the time. How the fuck I missed how out of shape it was before is utterly beyond me, but on the positive note, it looks great now! So – it is good news – as I tell the fear which of course completely ignores me.