Not that I am sure being a grown up is what I am aiming for…but for lack of a better term since I am on my first cup of coffee… I may feel grown up, but have been called a chipmunk, hamster and squirrel over the last days – suffice to say the bloating still remains and is obvious from my face. Lovely. For those of you who love the fluffy head look, you can now combine it with any or all of those animal features as well :-). Actually, on the topic of fluffy head – my hair is most definitely wavy – possibly even curly on top! Its only about an inch long, but most definite curls there – hope they last.

Since my last post I have:

• Managed a mega row with The Man but back on track now – given neither of us do things by halves, not surprising rows are the same…
• Spent hours on skype and the phone with IMC and various health insurers getting things sorted out – culminating in finally getting the letter of pre approval for surgery yesterday morning. Talk about last minute.
• After numerous nudges from people (including some of you), got the final nudge that made me look into getting benefits here for when I am not working. It looks like I may be able to get quite a lot of help – spent the best part of two days on the phone/getting paperwork etc. Am sure there is a lot more to come, but good to get the ball rolling
• Spoken to welfare and legal advisors (the latter very nearly removed my will to live forcibly as she was stunningly dull and bordering on intensely irritating) in Macmillan Cancer support.
• Started to sort out my tax situation – finally.
• Had acupuncture yesterday – we love my acupuncturist.
• Peed a lot. Sigh. I so want to stop peeing all the time. Plus, peeing and swollen is really unfair.
• Met up with friends 3 times – and stayed awake for each of them!
• Connected more with the kids which has been amazing. I was beginning to wonder had I become a totally detached parent which of course was freaking the shit out of me, but realising finally it was just that the haze and exhaustion was so intense I couldn’t have done anymore. I say as I am sending them off today to a residential adventure camp for a week….
• Monitored my eyebrows on a daily basis…I think they may be getting slightly thicker…or the ones that are there slightly longer. Something has changed but not sure what. The idea of thin and very long eyebrows is less appealing.
• Contacted 2 UK solicitors – one was great, referred me to the second who has not returned my e-mail/call yet. No, I am not stalking him, I called, they sent an e-mail with a questionnaire, I filled it in…
• Been getting my head more around surgery and Nurse Manuel…it will be a long day on Monday – in for 9am, fasting from 7am (no coffee with milk after that – aaagghhh), surgery not until around 1 or 1.30pm. Hopefully out by 4 or 5pm though.
• Swelling. I have been swelling since my last post. Did I mention that? The chipmunk look….
• Bidding a fond farewell to my portocath – it will be removed during surgery on Monday.
• Feeling optimistic. I am not sure if I can express how much that means to me – to feel that buzz of life in me again, happiness, connectedness, and joy. Mixed with liberal amounts of kick ass. And enormous amounts of gratitude.